From the monthly archives:

August 2006

The Tale of the Disgruntled Employee - Part 9

by patrick.ogenstad on August 28, 2006

The wait was killing him. His iPod had gone dead an hour ago. How could I forget to charge the batteries? It was still an hour until show time, n3m0 had considered going before his set out time but in the end he forced himself to stay put. It’s better if no one is around.

The last hour seemed to take longer than the entire day. When the alarm he had set finally went off, n3m0 felt sore and tired. Here goes, he thought while leaving the room.

His first stop was the coffee machine. It tasted like the coffee had been scraped of the wheel of a car before being brewed. But it was late and n3m0 needed to stay awake. He returned to his cubicle farm, booted up Thomas’ computer and entered Thomas’ username and password. n3m0 had been practicing his shoulder surfing skills and didn’t think his coworkers were aware of his exercises. He knew what Thomas’ password was two months ago, if it didn’t match now all he had to do was to increment the last digit by a number or two.

Off to the throne room then. Next to the entry door was a keypad with the numbers 0-9. n3m0 chuckled at the memory of Mark and a sysadmin guy telling the helpdesk staff about the security in place to protect the company assets. When talking about the lock that n3m0 was standing in front of now, Mark had said:

“To pass the door an attacker has to enter the correct four digit code.”
Keith, the sysadmin, filled in, “if someone tries more than five times within half an hour the alarm goes off.”
“And how many combinations were there, three million?” Mark asked with a smile.
“Let’s see,” Keith pretended to think. “It might have been four, well it’s millions anyway.”
“Not even I know the code, and you’re not going to tell me are you?”
“I could,” Keith started, “but I would have to kill you.”
Mark laughed together with the group.
“I guess a good sledgehammer would do the trick.” James pointed out.
“Not true,” Mark said, “if the door isn’t opened by the keypad the alarm goes off.

It might have had millions of combinations when the system was introduced. Mark’s had made the mistake of viewing security as a constant; once in place it would always protect you. The only constant is change, n3m0 thought. The numbers 0, 1, 2, 6, 7, 9 looked like they had never been used, the numbers 3 4 5 8 were so worn that it was hard to make out the digits.

A million different combinations, ha! Try 24! (4*3*2*1) A few months ago n3m0 had wanted to see what the server room looked like, so when he was leaving for the day he had walked by the server room and punched in three different codes. Mark might have lied about the number of codes you could try before the alarm went off and n3m0 didn’t want to risk that by testing five in one go. Anyway, at a rate of three he would have access to the server room in eight days, if he really wanted to it could be done in a day if he went there once every 30 minutes. He had opened the door on the fourth day, but on the third he didn’t even try since someone had been standing outside the door.

n3m0 punched in the code 5834. A green light was lit and the door opened, he could hear the buzz from the servers on the inside.

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The Tale of the Disgruntled Employee - Part 8

by patrick.ogenstad on August 21, 2006

The next day n3m0 arrived for work early. Usually he was very tired in the morning, but today he had been eager to get to the office.

“Howdy partner, did the land lord throw you out?” Thomas laughed looking down at his watch.
“Is that why you’re here so early every morning?” n3m0 realized he wasn’t annoyed with his coworker. Today is a happy day.
“Touché, so what’s up?”
I’m going to fry the network. “Not much,” n3m0 shrugged, his mind was on the CD disc in his backpack.
“Did you catch the game last night?”
“WoW?”
“No, for god’s sake,” Thomas made a swing in the air pretending he was holding a stick. “The hockey, we won.” His slapshot looked ridiculous.
“Nope, I was busy, I missed it.” Did it ever occur to him that he’s the only one interested in that stupid game?

n3m0 was helping someone over the phone when the other person suddenly asked:
“Hey, are you listening to me?”
Nope, n3m0 thought. He was thinking about the security Exibice had in place to protect their network. “Could you repeat that, the line seems to be bad,” he said.
“All my files are gone!”
Where do you think they went? “How do you mean ‘your files are gone’?”
“When I press open, they are gone.”
Wohoo, don’t get to technical on me. “When you press open?”
“Yes to get to my files, they were there yesterday. My laptop might be getting to old.”
Laptop? “Did you bring your laptop home yesterday?”
“Yes, always, so I can work.”
You mean so your kids can play games. “Ok, press the start button and click on Command Prompt.”
“Do you mean DOS?”
“Yes DOS, then you type net use and enter.”
“It didn’t work.”
“Didn’t work? How to you mean?”
“It didn’t find anything, it says no entries.”
“I’m going to need you to reboot your laptop.”
“But that takes for ages.”
I’m so glad I won’t be doing this anymore. After a few minutes he was able to get to his precious files again.

Back to business, n3m0 knew the sysadmins were following all kinds of security and hardening guides for the network. He had done a few probes in the past but always hit a solid wall. n3m0 didn’t consider himself to be a script kiddy, it is a tough network but not that tough.

Some time back n3m0 had found out that Exibice had violated law number three. Isn’t that a shame. n3m0 thought.

It turned out to be a very busy day and it flew by. n3m0 shut down his computer and made a show of saying good bye to everyone still working. He left the cubicle farm in a hurry and found a storage room for office supplies where he hid.

It was getting close to five, n3m0 set an alarm on his watch for 11 p.m. He dug up his iPod from the backpack. Time for some Hybrid Theory, he settled in to wait as Linkin Park began to sing for him.

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The Tale of the Disgruntled Employee - Part 7

by patrick.ogenstad on August 17, 2006

n3m0 was sitting in the dark in his apartment. Clawfinger’s music was roaring out of his speakers but he didn’t hear them. He was numb to the world and had been staring at the contract from Beateval for quite some time. Data entry. n3m0 knew Jennifer couldn’t fire him, instead she had offered him an even worse job than his present one. Data entry, it all seemed to be a cruel joke. I’m not working in data entry. His new salary would be 65 percent of his former one, which wasn’t a blast to start with.

His current standards, which were neither stylish nor glamorous, wouldn’t be at all possible with the new pay cut. He would have to move to an even worse neighborhood than what he now called home.

n3m0 wasn’t afraid of change and wouldn’t have minded giving up his apartment and making other sacrifices - if he saw a reward at the end of the tunnel. However, he had a hard time picturing himself working in help desk, data entry was just beyond his imagination.

The thought of getting another job at Exibice was attractive, but Mark was no friend of his. n3m0 didn’t even know if the company had a real CIO, he was pretty sure Mark was in charge of everything. He’ll never give me a job.

n3m0 turned up the volume.

“I’ve been standing on the edge of the roof looking down
I’ve been looking at the people that are gathering around
I’ve been here for an hour or maybe even more
just looking at the people that I’ve never seen before
stupid little faces are all I can see
those silly little suckers are all laughing at me”

n3m0 didn’t know what would happen without a job but he knew he couldn’t work for Beateval. At this stage he didn’t care how he would manage. Sitting in the dark, emotions were washing over him. n3m0 tried to identify them all; anger, hatred, betrayal, revenge. Suddenly he found himself smiling.

“one foot over there’s no time to turn around
both feet are over and I’m heading for the ground
I’m flying in the air and I can feel the cool breeze
the people on the pavement have gone into a freeze
no space no time it’s like walking on the moon”

I am going to jump, he realized, they will pay. n3m0 would love to punish them and be there when they caught on to what he was going to their company. But that wasn’t an option. He wanted revenge, badly. Responsibility was of little interest for n3m0. He would be happy to take credits, but at the same time he realized that that wasn’t going to happen. n3m0 loved to brag about his doings, but he hoped he would be able to stay quiet this time.

He executed a simple bash script which in turn called cdrecord. When his freshly burned CD was ejected he carefully removed it and labeled it.

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How to Tip a System Administrator

by patrick.ogenstad on August 15, 2006

You’ve seen him running through the hallways countless times, saving the day, working late nights. After fighting chaos and returning things to order, you must have thanked the poor creature. If you are enlightened you might even have baked him or her a cake on that very special day. I bet you never gave a tip though. But don’t worry, just read through this how to and you’ll be fully equipped to make it right. If this guide is too long to read or you are unsure of what to do, just ask your system administrator.

Tipping can be quite complicated, it works different all around the world. In some parts the tip is included in the bill, while in other places it is wise to avoid eye contact after the meal if you don’t leave a tip.

At Harrod’s in London you will find a guy in the bathrooms who will point you in the direction of the loo, even if there are toilets all around you. When you’re done with your business he will raise his palm to you and produce a friendly sound from the back of his throat.

A guidebook to Rome will tell you that it is custom to leave a tip for the hotel cleaners. The process of tipping can be confusing, at a restaurant you might ask if the tip is included. But if a system administrator stretched out his hand, would you know what to do?

Although sysadmins aren’t as obvious as the guy at Harrod’s, you might have seen a few hints. Did you ever wonder why your sysadmin had two mouse pads but only one mouse? The next time you hear any of these phrases you will know what they mean.

“Good luck with your printer the next time then!”
“Did you by any chance make any backups of your own?”
“Tip is not a city in China.”

You won’t have to guess anymore after reading this guide, just leave a few coins and others will follow.

You might have realized it for a while now, but now you know it in your heart too; you should tip system administrators.

While you’re reaching for your wallet, your next question - a good one I might add - must be: how much?

Since you are tipping for a service you will first have to put a value to that service. If the help saved you five hours work, the tip should be 8 % of the value of those five hours. This is why tipping a sysadmin is also called giving a Byte.

If you’re system administrator has “saved your life”, you must ask yourself how much your life is worth. Divide the amount with the number of times you think the sysadmin will save you’re life, the Byte is 8 % of that value. You’re insurance company can help you with the first part and your system administrator with the second.

In many situations you won’t have all the coins needed to give the Byte. There’s no need for despair; the recommended way of dealing with this dilemma is to use PayPal.

Here’s a fictional encounter of how the Byte might be given.

Customer: “Thanks for the help mister sysadmin, here’s a Byte for the great service.”
SysAdmin: “Why thank you! But next time you can call me sir.”
Customer: “Sir?”
SysAdmin: “Yes it’s shorter, saves you time.”
Customer: “Why thanks for the tip sir.”
SysAdmin: “You are welcome!”

This encounter left both of the participants happy, I’m sure tipping will do the same for you. I hope this text has been informative. Good luck tipping!

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The Tale of the Disgruntled Employee - Part 6

by patrick.ogenstad on August 8, 2006

After the meeting with Jennifer, n3m0 knew he was in trouble. Since he wasn’t able to find anything good on the job sites he had tried to work harder and be more pleasant around the office.

This new routine lasted a week. When n3m0 learned that Jennifer had promised Mark that no one would be fired as a result of the acquisition, he figured he was in the clear.

In another week n3m0 was back to his old self again. Jennifer was standing in front of his desk, but this time she wasn’t smiling.
“Welcome aboard,” she said in a voice devoid of emotion, n3m0 was handed a blue envelope with Beateval’s logo on the cover.
“Thank you mam,” n3m0 sounded almost perky. I have you strapped around my finger.

n3m0 let the envelope lie on his desk, the others had opened theirs, he could see them reading the documents inside and later signing them. Probably employment contracts. As long as n3m0 still had a job he didn’t care about the specifics of the contract. Helpdesk is still helpdesk.

Mark walked in to the office. “Hello team! Your desks at Beateval will be ready in two weeks, Jennifer wants you to move in asap.” He faced Thomas. “I guess congratulations are in order.”
Thomas had a smug smile, “thank you sir.”
“Good luck in the future, all of you,” before he left the cubicle farm he made eye contact with n3m0 and shook his head.

n3m0 wasn’t the only one interested in what Mark had been talking about.
“I’ve been promoted,” Thomas said proudly, “at Beateval I’ll be team leader for this unit.” n3m0’s jaw dropped, what the?
“Jennifer also said she might put me in charge of other departments at Beateval.”

“We’ll still make you get the coffee,” Simon joked.
“One more word like that and I’ll make you my assistant and you’ll be making coffee.”
“Seriously what did she see in you that you’ve hidden so well from us?” Jack laughed.
Amen, thought n3m0.
“Mostly my people skills, but lets face it, we all know I’m brilliant on every level. Remember I’m you’re boss now so you’ll have to agree with me. I’ll be expecting some serious ass kissing.” Then he let loose that laugh n3m0 had come to hate so much.

Unbelievable, if they made Thomas a manager they damn well better have made me CEO, n3m0 ripped open his envelope and started reading. He felt a chill through his body. n3m0 could picture Jennifer dressed up in a yellow suit with a crazed look, jumping around with a katana in her hands and lopping his paycheck in half.

n3m0 reread the contract and was overwhelmed by a feeling of defeat.

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Document Your Servers in Norwegian

by patrick.ogenstad on August 7, 2006

If you’re living close to the fjords, or just pine for them this post is for you. Since SYDI-Server 2.0 it’s been possible to convert the xml files produced by SYDI-Server to a Word document. This is done by the script ss-xml2word.vbs.

The script takes a language file as argument and thanks to Stian Johansen we now have a language file for Norwegian. At the moment the language file is released as a patch and is located here. It will be included in the next version of SYDI-Server. Support for Italian was released a month ago.

To download SYDI go to the website.

If you want to support your native language, please contact me. Creating a language file is quite easy, just open the ones in the language directory and take a look, if you have any questions just ask me.

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The Tale of the Disgruntled Employee - Part 5

by patrick.ogenstad on August 4, 2006

When n3m0 came to work on Thursday he thought for a moment that he was there before Thomas. That’s a first. Then he found out that Thomas had in fact been there for quite some time and was having a meeting with Jennifer.

The last few days had been very slow, and n3m0 had managed to put together a résumé. The result didn’t sound very impressive, but n3m0 couldn’t tell what was wrong with it.

Thomas was walking toward him. “You’re up.”
“I’m what?” n3m0 asked annoyingly.
“It’s your turn, a little ‘one on one’ with Jennifer.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Jennifer is informing us about her company and wants to talk to each one of us.” Thomas informed.
“What’s the verdict?” n3m0 asked.
“Actually there won’t be much change, though Beateval seems to have a much stricter dress code than we do.” Thomas smiled, looking at n3m0’s t-shirt which had a picture from the 8-bit version of Donkey Kong on it.

“Dress code!?” n3m0 exploded, “we answer the freaking phone!”
“Well we’ve had some bosses here to show our facilities to customers.”
“Bosses? The only time we get executives down here are when their secretaries are on vacation and they get lost on their way to the bathroom.”
Thomas seemed shocked, “Mark was here the other day.”
Are you for real? “Oh, silly me, we got a top shot to visit us when he was shutting down the department.”
“Actually merge our dep…” Thomas tried.
“But can you imagine I forgot to bask in his executive aura. I’m told it’s quite majestic!” n3m0 wondered if Thomas understood sarcasm.

“Excuse me, are you ready,” someone asked.
“WHAT?” n3m0 turned to see Jennifer with a disapproving look on her face.
“Your interview.”
“Yeah, I’m coming,” n3m0 said to her breasts. She turned and walked towards the meeting room.
As n3m0 followed her Thomas called to him. “Hey it’s not that bad really.” Then he made a thumbs up sign and mouthed. “Good luck”. n3m0 considered giving him the birdie just to see his reaction, but he contained himself. Instead he raised his thumb.

Jennifer had been talking for some time, n3m0 wasn’t listening as much as watching her. She leaned over the table and pointed to a chart. After a while she fell silent. n3m0 looked up from her cleavage and met her eyes, they were hard and cold.
“Are you listening?,” she asked with a sharp tone, changing position so she was sitting up more straight.

“Yes, of course, you were saying I was the top performer in this department,” n3m0 tried a smile, it wasn’t returned.
“I said nothing of the sort,” Jennifer continued in a cold voice.
“But,” n3m0 said pointing at the chart while stealing a glance at her breasts. Jennifer stood up.
“What I said was that you work fast, unfortunately we value customer satisfaction higher than speed.”

Ain’t this going swell, n3m0 was focusing hard to look at her face. He didn’t know if he should stand up too or remain seated. n3m0 tried to remain quite for the remainder of the interview, only opening his mouth to answer her direct questions. At the end her voice wasn’t as cold as it had been, which n3m0 guessed was a good thing. When he was leaving the room she called after him. “Good luck with your application then.”
“Application?” n3m0 was confused.
“For the job, do you have a résumé?”
“For what job?”
“A job at Beateval, wasn’t that obvious?” n3m0 could have sworn Jennifer was amused.
“Wait, you mean I have to apply for my own job?”
“No, your current job won’t exist anymore. As the help desk resource is transferred to us from Exibice your employment with them will end.” Jennifer smiled for the first time since n3m0 had entered the room. “You are of course free to submit your résumé to see what Beateval has to offer. If you have a résumé that is?”
“Yes,” n3m0 said, the word didn’t come out much louder than a whisper.
“Excellent, good luck then. Will you please send in Simon.”

Shit, shit, shit, n3m0 cursed his bad luck.

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